and i'm living like there's no tomorrow.

this is not a happy entry.
looking at many friends who have ended their contract and are now free to do what they want to do, i cannot deny that i am envious of them.
the green envy monster is at work again.

work seems to suck away all the energy and happiness inside me.
it's the responsibility thing again. as you get older, you will have to be responsible for things but responsibility seems to be always land heavily on me.
and it's also the "oh my, i failed people's expectations of me again" that silently tugs at my heart.
i will try to shake off this feeling, but it just seems to keep coming back at me every now and then.

being confident of my abilities and work is difficult for me.
it is about faith and trust in yourself.
something that is seriously lacking in me.
that's why i like days at home where i am free of responsibilities and do not have to mind how people think about me and how i seem to disappoint them with my performance.

need some confidence booster.
hopefully this experience would do me good.
at least as a temp, i can see the end of the road unlike a permanent worker.
it is a promise that keeps me going on when i am weary and sick of it

shall go on and strive to be better at it everyday.
i will try to look at it as a challenge to myself and how far i can go.
and throughout this whole process i will smile and be true to myself and who i really am
at the same time, to overcome my faults and flaws.

be a smiley person huixin!
the luggage of the past would only wear you down.
keep them in mind but dont let them stop you from moving on.
you can beat yourself and your flaws.
it will be a brand new monday where there will be hiccups and mistakes
which u will humbly accept, remember and learn from.
no more fears of this and that, because that may just be what you think instead of the truth.

let this be a period of self discovery, self-acceptance and self-betterment for huixin- all the uncertainties ahead worry me
and i am one who show all my nerves & stress & worry on my face.
trust me on that but not that i liked it.
many uncertainties lie ahead of me.
still not ready for the challenges and changes and to be dependent on no one but myself.
not sure how i will fare and
how i would feel after all this ends about three more months from now
relieved? sad? empty? or just plain weird.

going to do some serious planning.
dont worry huixin.
it's just another hiccup.
you've been through worse haven't you,
so show your worth and put your heart into in.